The Catch-Up Game

One minute you’re cruising along, the next you hit a wall. Your rhythm gets disrupted and everything feels off. Sickness tends to do that.

While my Covid symptoms were minor, even compared to my husband’s, I’ve taken it easy and let myself rest as much as possible.

This means that now I’m playing the “how quickly can I catch up” game with myself.

You know, that game of everything needing attention all at the same time because you’ve been ignoring it all for a while: the house is a mess, emails are stacking up, and your to-do list is only getting longer.

We play this game every time we get sick. We play this game when we get back from vacation. Hell, we even play this game after the weekend.

And we overcompensate when we play it.

Maybe you’re like me and you have to get your house back in order as quickly as possible before you feel comfortable doing anything else. It’s what I did Wednesday and Thursday this week. I did the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, picked up all the things that have been scattered over the last two weeks, and stocked the fridge (shoutout to curbside grocery pickup!).

Next, I tackled my email. Enough said - we all know how overwhelming email gets.

After I cleared out my inbox, it was time to reschedule all the meetings and conversations postponed during my isolation. And request new meetings. And prepare for the ones still on the calendar.

By now, I’m exhausted.

I’ve done too much.

I’m resentful of my rest for making me now have to play catch-up. I’m resentful that my husband hasn’t bounced back from Covid as quickly, meaning he hasn’t been able to help out around the house as much. My resentfulness builds and expands to friends and family who’ve been vacationing for spring break or going to concerts or just simply still being in their rhythm.

And then I stop myself. Let it go, Alyson, you’re not going to get through your to-do list today (or ever) remember?

And the tension and resentment recede.

I fell into the trap I’m trying to avoid - the hustle.

Pulling myself out of the trap, I ask, what is the thing that I’ve missed most while out of rhythm?

It’s writing.

Which is why I’ve stopped trying to play catch-up now. And why I’m writing this.

The hustle, the grind, last-stage capitalism, whatever you want to call it, tells us that we have to be constantly producing. We have to always be trying to get ahead, and if we fall behind, we have to work twice as hard to catch up.

But what does it mean to be behind? Behind who? Behind what?

We’re all doing the best that we can.

You are doing your best.

I am doing my best.

Which means I don’t need to rush back to being full-time. I’ve spent the last 18 days on a roller coaster ride of covid symptoms, mostly involving my (lack of) energy. I’m still healing.

And it’s okay to still be healing.

I’m sitting at my writing desk, with a cup of tea, fresh flowers from a friend, and my cat, Phoenix, on the windowsill.

There really isn’t a more perfect moment for this.

It’s been a strange month, but all I can think about now is gratitude.

Gratitude that my husband and I are on the mend. Gratitude that we have health insurance, a comfortable home to isolate safely together, and the resources to order curbside grocery pickup and DoorDash when cooking wasn’t an option. I’m grateful to our family and friends who offered to help or who checked in on us.

I’m also grateful for the reminder that I am doing the best that I can. That I need to listen to my body and that when I need to rest, I can and should.

And most importantly, I’m grateful for the lesson that when I do start feeling better, I don’t need to play the catch-up game. All I need to do is ask myself what have I missed most and do that first.

Everything else can wait.

You might find these interesting…

Articles, posts, and conversations about productivity, hustle culture, work life, and more catch my eye. You might find some interesting as well.

• I appreciated this take challenging the hype of the four-day work week.
• Reading this last week reminded me that it’s okay to be unproductive. I related a lot to this article.
• If you’re looking for resources and studies about new policies for your work, like the four-day work week, and how it relates to productivity, this FiveThirtyEight article has a lot of references.
• More of this, please!