Sunshine and Crackles

This edition of Do Less, Better is a different than my usual essays. Writing hasn’t been easy the last several months because well…[gestures wildly at everything.]

I also find myself in a place I’ve never been before, and thought it was time to share that news with you: I’m pregnant.

My husband, Jake, and I have been waiting a long time for this moment, and we will be welcoming this little one in only a few weeks.

The first half of my pregnancy was not kind to me, and I was sick for the majority of the first 20 weeks. Luckily, I’m feeling much better. Which is a good thing because we renovated a house, sold our condo, and moved. And let me tell you – that takes work.

To say that the last eight months has been interesting would be an understatement, and it’s been challenging to process. That’s where writing comes in for me, and while I haven’t done a lot of it lately, I’m starting to come back to it. Even if it will be a while before I’m back to a consistent practice (hello, baby).

For today, I’m sharing a few short pieces that have bubbled up in my mind and felt important to write down.

Thank you for being here and being part of my larger community. As always, remember you are doing great.

You are enough.

-Alyson

Sunshine

The four plus feet of snow is melting – rapidly. After almost two months of nonstop snow and clouds, to see the sun again felt magical. A gift we had forgotten we needed. The first sunny day, the clouds around our hearts also lifted, even rendering a 35-minute visit to the post office a mildly enjoyable experience.

It is easy to forget, when the clouds are heavy and refuse to depart, that there is still a sun there, waiting to shine.

The Crackle

The moment we turned it on, and the needle gently laid on the record, the crackle confirmed that yes, we did need this. The crackle makes the music come alive. It is physically in the room, not just a nebulous cloud floating in the ether. A grounding presence for music lovers.

Caregiving in Chaos

 “You don’t have pneumonia, so that’s a good thing,” the urgent care doctor said after listening to my mom’s lungs.

I balked.

Pneumonia? Fuck. I didn’t even think about that being a possibility. She had been sick for weeks. A cold that I caught and passed from my husband to my mom amid staging, selling, and moving out of my home of 11 years.

I thought it was just a cold that lingered. And maybe it was. Maybe my mom was due for a cold – she hadn’t been sick in years and has never even had Covid, as far as we can tell.

But…I had neglected her health for a while. So preoccupied with everything else going on that I was often dismissive of her illness.

Turns out, caregiving in chaos is very difficult. A lesson to remember moving forward, because chaos can always be just around the corner.

Tip for breaking points

When you find yourself at a breaking point – such as when the septic of the new house you just moved into days before has backed up for the second time in three days, even after it’s been emptied – I highly recommend booking a jacuzzi king room at the C’mon Inn.

Attention is Power

The day before the inauguration, I took Instagram and Threads off my phone, making it more of a tool once again.

Rather than doom scrolling, I find myself picking up a book more often or working on a cross stitch. Taking a nap. Engaging in my immediate world. Checking in with the news of the day and staying informed, yes, but not losing myself in the intentional chaos and destruction.

I’m not sure this will be a permanent state of being. What will I do when I start writing more consistently again? I do want to grow this newsletter, and social media is one avenue to do that. But I don’t want to give power to social media platforms that are using my data to make more money for itself, its owners, and the other oligarchs in this world.

Astrologist and podcaster, Jessica Lanyadoo, helped me understand this.

Attention is power.

When we give our attention to something, we are giving our power to it.

And I don’t want my power wasted on social media. My power is too important.

So is yours.

“How can you be kind to yourself if your present moment sucks? How can you tap into your humanity and affirm the interconnectedness of our shared humanity? These are good questions for you to ask yourself because they’ll make you feel better, but they’re also good questions for you to ask yourself because when our spirits are not broken, we are more resourceful. We are more resilient. Our coalitions are bigger and bolder, and that’s what we need.” – Jessica Lanyadoo, Ghost of a Podcast

Abundance

I live a privileged life. These last eight months only reinforced my privilege. Even as I felt overwhelmed, stressed, and scared of the future.

Which is why I ground myself in the abundance of joy and gratitude that envelops me daily.

Joy in the impending arrival of this new human, who is already so loved and supported. Who I cannot wait to meet and get to know. Joy in the laughter that flows between my husband and me, even on the most stressful of days. The joys of a cuddling cat on my lap, finding my love of cooking again, anticipating having community over to our new home, devouring a delicious fantasy series.

Gratitude in the family and friends – the community – who surround and support me. Guiding me to remember the abundance of love that exists in this world, no matter what current events of the wider world may try to convince me of.

Rooting myself in my community, and the abundance that provides. It is rich and textured and complex and so full of gifts for a future of brightness that I know we will find our way through this miasma of hate. That, in fact, embracing abundance – of love, resources, community, kindness, joy, gratitude – is how we can.

If we only have the imagination to embrace the abundance all around us.