My favorite recipe for burnout recovery

Life just never seems to slow down, does it? Phones buzz, messages ping, the to-do lists keep growing, and nothing ever seems to get done.

We’re cut off from our bodies, frantically trying to keep everything moving forward, including ourselves. But we don’t have eyes on everything. We literally can’t. But here we are, desperately trying. Giving everything of ourselves to everyone else, all while ignoring what we need.

No wonder so many of us are burned out, in one way or another. It’s why my favorite recipe for burnout is so easy to follow.

Luckily, though, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Don’t believe me? That’s okay. It’s why I’m sharing this recipe, tested out by yours truly for the last three years.

Just like my burnout recipe, the ingredients are flexible. Take what you can, leave the ones that aren’t working for you, and make it your own!

[Jump to recipe]

Why you’ll love this recipe.

Time doesn’t matter

It’s a social construct, after all! You set the pace of your recovery journey. I’ve been on this journey for three years, and just when I think I’ve got enough time behind me, I realize there is a lot more ahead that’s needed. Which is why I try to let go of time entirely.

You make it your own

You control everything which, yes, can feel daunting and overwhelming. It can also be empowering. When no one else can save you, you get to be in charge. This not-so-simple mindset will liberate you if you allow it.

The results will amaze you

I thought I started following this recipe for my mental wellbeing. I certainly see those results. What amazed me is how my body physically responded. These results are just as important and as impactful as the mental improvements.

A very important note

Privilege cannot be overstated as a component that I have in my burnout recovery journey. The good news is that it is not a necessary ingredient, and there are substitutions available.

My list includes:

• white privilege
• married privilege
• able-body privilege
• educational privilege
• financial privilege

Under each of these larger privileges are subcategories, like homeowner and no-student-debt privilege. All these contribute to my ability to get out of burnout. I have access to resources that made this journey easier, like books that inspire and shine light on systems that lead to burnout. I have a partner who earns enough money to support our household. I also have the education and experience to jump back into paid labor if that changed. I’m a white woman in my late thirties who isn’t “too young” to be dismissed as dumb or “too old” to be considered irrelevant.

I have a lot of privilege.

That doesn’t mean that someone without these privileges can’t find ingredients in this recipe. It just means that I found them more easily.

Substitutions

This isn’t about the quantity of ingredients you have access to; it’s about the quality. This is key to remember for this recipe.

You know what your life is like better than anyone else. Who am I, with all my privileges, to tell you there is only one way to recover from or avoid burnout? My goal in sharing this recipe is to give ideas, not guidelines.

Even if you can only find one thing in this recipe that feels doable for you, that is a start!

Look for the ingredient that resonates most with you and make the intention of adopting a portion of that ingredient into your daily routine.

You have the power to make a difference for yourself.

You are enough, and you’ve got this.

Required Equipment

Mirror

The first piece of equipment needed for this recipe is a nice, shiny mirror to see yourself, fully. It will probably be uncomfortable the first time really looking in this mirror, but after each glance or deep gaze, you’ll start to see yourself as strong, powerful, capable, and ready for change. It’s a remarkable piece of equipment.

Oxygen mask

Once you’ve looked in the mirror, you’ll notice that you are missing this vital piece of equipment. As the flight attendants reminds you on every flight, you can’t assist others without first putting on your oxygen mask.

Ingredients

Quantities aren’t listed because it is more about the quality. And you’re in control, remember? Give yourself the freedom to find the right amounts that work for you.

• Rest
• Kindness - for self and others
• Grace
• Vulnerability
• Honest communication - with yourself and others
• Intentionality
• Patience
• Humor

Instructions

Step One

In front of the mirror, place your oxygen mask on. Take a breath. It is already starting to work.

The longer you have the oxygen mask on, the more you’ll start to notice the ways in which you can better support yourself.

Step Two

Almost without fail, the first ingredient needed is rest. And not just sleep - although that is a good start! As Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith explains in her TEDx Atlanta talk, there are different types of rest that we need, like creative and sensory rest.

Mixing these different types of rest into your life will be revelatory. I credit my creative rest of writing as being instrumental in my burnout recovery, for example.

If you add no other components, you will still benefit and find yourself more able to navigate the crushing weight of burnout with these varieties of rest.

Next Steps

As you find quality rest (of all kinds), start folding in additional elements of this recipe.

Resistance to self-kindness will diminish as you start to recognize and believe that you are doing the best that you can. This compassion for yourself often leads to more compassion for others, a compounding benefit for all of us.

A recognition that you are not perfect will descend on you, adding grace to your healing journey. Allow this to simmer over a long period of time for others as well as yourself.

Of course, in any good recipe there is an acidic ingredient that you might not like. In this, it is vulnerability. It can taste bitter at first. You probably aren’t used to it because you likely have been taught to avoid it all cost. Admitting to yourself that you’re not perfect is one thing; letting someone else know that is an entirely different matter. And yet, the more vulnerable you are with people, the deeper your relationships will become. A greater understanding of one another is shared, and you see each other as beautifully, imperfect beings.

With that vulnerability, it is necessary to have honest communication with yourself and those around you. This can chafe sometimes, but this honesty leads to receiving what you need. It’s one of the benefits of having an oxygen mask on.

That vulnerability and honesty leads to the next element, which is intentionality. The more you embrace the other parts of your healing journey, the more intentional you become. You weigh your ability and energy with opportunities and asks, making decisions about what you can and cannot commit to. You won’t always get this right, of course, but it’s a practice that can become central to achieving this recipe.

The final two items listed above go hand in hand. Patience and humor. There will be days when all you want to do is feel 100% better - a complete healing has occurred and you’re never going to get it wrong again. Those days are often followed by the exact opposite of days, in which you are right back to where you were with feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and not enough. That’s where patience and humor come in.

You will continue to fight against societal and cultural expectations to be perfect, to produce all the time, to give and give and give without caring about your own wellbeing.

So, remind yourself to have patience and to laugh as often as you can.

Results will vary, but these are mine

This is a complicated recipe. It’s cordon bleu, not fast food. Don’t be surprised if you encounter lots of missteps, wrong turns, and roadblocks.

Keep trying because the imperfections and mistakes enhance the flavor, providing you with a rich, beautifully textured dish to proud of.

It’s why I look back on my last three years with such deep appreciation. I am changed. I continue to change. I’m kinder to myself than I ever have been. I know what I need more frequently, and I attempt to be open and honest enough with the people in my life to ask that those needs be met.

I’m also physically healthier. I continue to make healthier lifestyle choices, like working out 4-5 times a week and cutting out alcohol and other numbing drugs. My hair and skin look healthier; my body isn’t as inflamed, and overall, I feel good. I feel and look healthier because I am.

Am I perfect at this? Of course not.

Will I ever be? Nope!

When it’s time to put this recipe away for good, when I’ve lived my life as best, as gently, and as intentionally as I can, I will know that I was enough.

And that’s enough for any lifetime.

Share your experience!

Have you tried and failed and tried again to recover from or avoid burnout? Me too!

I’d love to hear from you about what has and hasn’t worked for you. We can all learn something from each other.

With love and gratitude, Alyson