Moving [forward]

A stack of red plastic tubs sits to the left of the TV in the living room. They’ve been there for weeks. They contain the fragile treasures of my mom’s China cabinet, which now sits empty in the corner. Over the last week, the red tubs have gotten company. Stacks of other tubs and boxes, a pile of things to donate accumulate in another corner. Bubble wrap, paper, and trash bags litter the room. I’ve lost sight of the dining room table more than once.

We are in the process of moving.

Months ago, when we decided to make this move, the timeline was supposed to put us in our new home by now, but like many things in life, that timeline has not played out. We adjust. Maybe not always gracefully, but we do it, nevertheless.

Our soon-to-be house is owned by my mother-in-law, and we are her new tenants. This house will give us more room, including an attached apartment for my mom. The needed renovations in the house have turned it into a bigger project than any of us thought, which is why we haven't moved in already. It’s coming along, though, and will be amazing once it’s ready for us.

In the meantime, we are moving boxes over to the garage so that we can get our current home ready to list on the market as soon as possible.

Months ago, I didn’t think it would be stressful (or at least not overwhelmingly so) to move. I had done so much work last year in preparation for my mom’s move-in that I felt that I would have a good handle on this move. That we don’t have as much “stuff” as we did before that. In some ways, that’s proven to be true, but I also didn’t expect to be amid a grieving process for our country while moving.

This isn’t the timeline I thought I was in, and I’ve struggled, like many, over the last few weeks to wrap my head and heart around this reality.

But here’s the thing: I’m not grieving for the first time.

I’m familiar with this process now.

Last week, when I heard a giant crash above me, I thought my mom had fallen. Racing upstairs, I found she let a heavy box fall from her bed to the floor.

I was livid.

“I told you to put the boxes on the floor, out of the way, and fill them up from there so that we don’t have to pick them up!” I shouted. She doesn’t think – ever – about how to make things easier for herself with the limitations she has.

I continued to yell and argue, taking my grief out on her, the one person I know without a doubt who has to love me no matter what. As I raged, I recognized what I was doing. My grief was taking over, and I was in the anger stage.

I stopped, put my face in my hands, and took a breath. I stood there for a few moments and let my breathing and my heart calm.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I finally said, “I think the loud crash scared me, and I’m stressed about everything and grieving over what has happened. I’m sorry for taking it out on you. That isn’t fair.”

She forgave me. She let me rage and then let me apologize for it throughout the rest of the day. I’m grateful she did.

I’m aware enough now about how I grieve that I recognized it quickly enough in the moment to pull back.

It’s okay that I was angry; it was not okay to take it out on her.

And so, I keep learning. Realizing that I’m not starting this journey at the beginning anymore; that I’ve been here before and I know myself well enough now to see how things are impacting me.

I also know what actions to take when I find myself in this place.

I was angry, and I permitted myself to be angry while recognizing that what I do with that anger can unfairly and unkindly impact others.

I also knew that I needed to give myself a break. That I needed to rest. Stop doing what you’re doing, Alyson, and let yourself be calm. I was wound too tight, and I wasn’t helping myself or anyone around me at that moment.

So, I took that rest and allowed myself to feel the frustration and anger and fear and yes, even the relief that she hadn’t fallen.

It meant that I didn’t make as much progress on the packing as I had planned, but it also meant that I grounded myself in the present and let go of the things I couldn’t control.

This is the work that I’ve learned over the last several years. I’m proud of myself for that learning. And I know I’m not even close to being done with it.

Most importantly, I’m not starting that learning from scratch.

That recognition has shifted things within me. I’m not as scared now as I was a few weeks ago.

I’m more prepared for this reality than I was in 2016. I know myself better. The history of how we find ourselves in this moment is not unknown to me. Those rose-colored glasses are gone.

This is true for more of us than we realize.

Many of us may be still in the grieving process, but we aren’t going to stay there forever.

Some have already moved out of it. A friend shared with me that she is even more committed to the local work she started doing and another will work in the Montana Legislature next session, gaining a greater insight into how the “sausage” is made.

They are both involved with existing organizations that have been doing the work.

They are not starting from scratch either.

And they are not alone in that work.

As I experience all the emotions of the last few weeks, now exacerbated by the emotions of packing my home of the past 11 years, I keep coming back to these lessons:

I’ve experienced this before. I’m not alone. I’m not starting from scratch.

I’m capable and resilient.

I am enough.

None of us know what the future holds. We can’t change the past. What we can do is remind ourselves that we have learned a lot in our lifetimes and that we can move forward.

Because that’s all we’ve ever done.

P.S.

I've listened to a couple things and read some helpful articles lately and wanted to pass along a few standouts. Maybe they will resonate with you.

How to Survive the End of the World podcast

I started following adrienne maree brown several years ago after a friend introduced me to their book Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds. I'm not a regular listener to their podcast, but the latest episode called to me and I'm deeply grateful that I listened. It was recorded right after the 2024 election.

The Donald Trump resistance is ready for when Democrats are done grieving

Most everyone who knows me or subscribes to this newsletter knows of my involvement with local political organizing. It's where I took my grief and anger in 2016. My grief looks different this time around, and I know that it's going to manifest in different ways. I think that's a good thing. It proves that I'm learning. This article in USA Today reinforced some of my recent thinking, and reminded me that a lot has been built in the last eight years. And that infrastructure is ready for whatever comes next. We are not starting from scratch.

It also reminded me that even though Montana had heartbreaks this election year, we did have wins too. In Gallatin County, where I live, the Gallatin Democrats, who I used to work for, focused on the state legislative races. With the recent redistricting, there was a good chance of adding more Democratic representation to the Montana Legislature, but not all of it was guaranteed. Gallatin County delivered, adding seven (7!!!) Democratic representatives and senators to the roster for 2025. Of those, some of the races were incredibly close: Alanah Griffith, HD-60, won by 238 votes; Josh Seckinger, HD-62, won by 122 votes; and Scott Rosenzweig, HD-57, won his house seat by only 20 votes. None of these races were guaranteed to be won by the Democratic candidates. It took committed candidates and dedicated volunteers knocking doors for months to achieve these wins.

I share this with you all because of the focus that the Gallatin Democrats had to keep in the 2024 election. I've worked elections since 2018, and I can tell you first hand that the top ticket races get all the attention and want all the resources. It takes a dedicated team of people, almost all volunteers, to resist that pressure from the top and stay focused on the races they've committed to. In so many ways, they are the epitome of "Do Less, Better" and I am so proud of all their work. They commit year-round to make wins like this possible and the infrastructure needed for that started building years ago. As they move into the 2025 Montana Legislature and the 2026 election, they will not be starting from scratch either.