Grace and Space

A mountain stream surrounded by lush green foliage.

Writing has taken a backseat in my life the last six weeks. I haven’t even been writing my daily morning pages, the habit that has kept me grounded for more than a year. I want to write, but I find that my capacity isn’t there. Everyday I think about writing, and almost everyday I put it aside for the thing that has taken over my life.

Back in June, my partner and I decided to ask my Mom to move in with us. This shouldn’t come as a big surprise as I’ve shared about the struggles of caregiving from afar.

My Mom has been lonely for so long that it’s impacting her entire life. And while she has real health issues that are beyond loneliness, I also agree with Dr. Vivek Murthy that loneliness is an epidemic in our country.*

And we can do something about her loneliness.

So, she’s moving from New Mexico to live with us. I think she’s very excited, which makes me feel like it is the right time for this move.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that any of this is easy.

This move has meant getting rid of a lot of things (I could probably write a book at this point about the accumulation of shit that our consumer society encourages), rearranging and renovating our home, and figuring out how to give grace and space to everyone involved.

I want to share so much more about all of this, but I also have to be realistic about the fact that I am so “in it” right now that I can’t process it yet.

Sometimes, doing less, better, means accepting that you can’t do it all. Okay, actually, that is true ALL THE TIME. That’s the entire point of do less, better.

Case in point: I thought I would hold a garage sale. I thought that would be the most effective way to clean things out. I was really excited about it. Garage selling is in my DNA as my parents spent years doing garage sales and flea marketing almost as a full-time job back in the 80s.

And then I remembered that the effort needed for a garage sale is more than I have to give right now. So, instead, I’ve taken carload after carload of the better stuff to donate, and the rest will, unfortunately, end up in the dump. (Again, I have SO much to say about consumerism.)

Because while I may technically have the time to put together a garage sale, I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity for it.

Moving your parent in with you is a huge emotional and mental lift. The very idea of it is exhausting.

It’s a monumental change for all of us.

And, if I’m being honest, I’m very nervous about how this is going to change my relationships with my Mom and my partner.

As my friend and I were recently talking about, grace and space is what is required during times like this. For each other and for ourselves.

Grace that we are all imperfect humans who are going to have bad days and are going to struggle to communicate sometimes and can’t always find the motivation to get that one thing done that’s been on the to-do list for weeks.

Space that while we are doing this to combat loneliness we also are going to need room to feel our emotions, process them, and decompress away from one another sometimes so that we can be better for each other in between.

So, the mantra for this transition is grace and space.

Grace and space.

I’m just repeating it now to remind myself.

Grace and space.

*I highly recommend reading Dr. Murthy’s book Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. We listened to the audiobook, read by Dr. Murthy, and it was wonderful, thought-provoking, and inspirational.